Saturday, July 30, 2011

Tough Month Ahead

I find many things with Migraines are cyclical and coping is no exception to that rule. What do you do when you know you are not coping well?

I know I have a lot going on right now, my Migraine count is up and overall, I'm just not feeling like myself. I am trying to take one thing at a time and not worry about things I cannot control, but sometimes that's easier said than done.

I'm sure my trips to Pittsburgh with my parents were a lot more stressful than I let myself think they were. I can usually tell by my reactions to things like snapping at my mother while she is trying to be funny or even worse, snapping at my father while we were waiting for him to be wheeled away for surgery. I don't think I've ever snapped at my father before in my life and I know that was not a good time. I know I shocked both of my parents as well as myself.

I’m sure like most of you, I get even more frustrated as my Migraine count goes up which makes it even harder to cope with everything. I've even started to run into medication limitations again and I'm still trying to work through my endocrinologist visit. I don’t like going to doctors for the first time especially when I have a Migraine going on. I have found that although I seem totally functional when I have a Migraine, I am stifled when trying to think and talk. I am supposed to go back to the endocrinologist at the end of the year and have to have another ultrasound done by then too.

I have so many other pressing matters going on right now too. It is only three weeks until my company moves. I am very grateful that they plan to accommodate my light sensitivity again in the new building. However, there are a lot of loose plans around this accommodation right now. I have been trying not to stress about this since they told us about the move, but I don’t think they realize how big of a trigger lights can be for me. How can they when I still have a hard time understanding it myself sometimes? Honestly, I just wish I could be normal and not cause all of this trouble.

Currently my desk in unsettled meaning that originally I was supposed to be butted up against an office so I would be facing a corner. This really would have been great! Well, then they got rid of the office on paper and my desk was on an end overlooking a whole bank of lights which would have been impossible to accommodate the way I would need it to be. The last plan I saw there was something back in front of me, but they couldn't tell me if it was a room or another cube. In my convoluted world, that makes a big difference.

The plan is to put light sleeves around my cube but they are also going to be very careful about not interfering with my neighbors lighting rights. I have been assured that they will do whatever it takes but I am starting to feel like am a complainer and I can’t put my job in jeopardy.

I do have my hat accommodation to fall back on, but then I would be exposing my invisible illness to everyone every day because if I needed to wear a hat every day, then that is what I would do. The problem is that once I wear a hat for a certain amount of time, then I have to keep it on for the rest of the day because of severe hat hair. The other problem with a hat is that after wearing a hat for a while, it can start giving me a headache. It’s always such a precarious balance. I’ve been lucky where I am now in that I could turn out my own lights when needed and have only had to wear my hat for short periods of time while outside of my office.

I’m having another issue at work that has slowly cropped up lately. Although I have been backing off, it hasn’t stopped someone who has, until recently, been a very close Migraine confidant for me. We have been very close and shared many serious health issues for over a decade. The problem is that recently she has become comfortable making comments to and around others about my Migraines even if they didn’t know anything about them; even if there was nothing to really precipitate the comment. This is particularly disturbing to me at work where I will advocate as needed, but try to stay in my own place at other times especially because Migraines are so misunderstood and I cannot go around work lecturing about Migraines all of the time. I haven’t told anyone about her health issues and especially her last health scare where I know she would not have been able to keep it together.

Do you have a Migraine confidant? Do you have a confidant at work? Do you feel it's helpful and that it's really needed? She is still my friend, but I cannot talk to her or bounce things off of her right now. I miss that, but I have to remain cautious – especially at work. Maybe I come across as being open about my Migraines and having no boundries, but she knew I was very open with her and more limiting with others although open with them after assessing how much they really wanted to know. The problem is that she has done this on a few occasions lately and most recently at a corporate event where we didn’t know the other people in the room. Maybe I am being too sensitive, but I still think it’s for me to talk about me, for me to bring up the subject and not someone else.

There are a lot of things going on at work right now and I know I need to make it through this next month the best I can. It’s going to be tough and especially without someone to talk to about with how I’m doing or what’s going on with me – someone to bounce ideas off of and help me cope. I can’t do that right now. In addition to moving in this next month, we are also changing one of our big systems that we use every day. We are currently going through this very tedious training in addition to keeping up with our regular duties. There will be some manual intervention that will be needed at the time of the switchover as well.

I also have two huge projects that are due by the end of the month. At this point, I don’t know how I’m going to finish them although I have to do my best. I have a hard time working really late like I have done in the past to complete this job and weekends have been full of completing my home needs and catching up from my normal late work nights. I know once I get past some of this stuff I won’t be as stressed. I just wish I would stop being so tired all of the time.

Can you believe next weekend one of my sons will be going back to school already? I love having my boys around and will miss him terribly. I know he is in a good place there and doing very well, but he is such a pleasure to have around when he is home. As a matter of fact, we just put in a new mailbox post today. It was so much fun considering neither one of us knew what we were doing. I’m still trying to get the cement out of my ring, but if it doesn’t come out, I will think of him whenever I see it.

I have another neurologist visit next week . I have to find out what ideas she has as I am running out of them, but do want to bring something up with her again. I have asked her a few times about weather related Migraines and if there was anything that can be done to help them. I even mentioned that I had read where some people had successes trying different things, but I have always felt shut down as she said there is nothing you can do about weather triggered Migraines. I read another article today which was written by Teri Robert on Migraines Triggered by Weather Changes. It gave me a rejuvenated hope even though it ends with: “If you experience Migraines triggered by changes in weather, it’s well worth talking with your doctor about options to prevent these Migraines. Not everyone will be successful in this quest, but many people will be.”

It’s kind of frustrating to have to bring this up to my doctor again, but it’s also hopeful that different ideas given in the article have helped some people. I would rather try something and it not work then just give up. As you can see, I will need to bring this subject with up her again which will probably be about the fifth time.

Like so many others, I know I have a lot of stresses and frustrations going on right now. I am trying to deal and cope with it the best I can. One way I am doing that right now is by reading old blog carnivals that dealt with coping strategies.

The Headache & Migraine Disease Blog Carnival was created to provide both headache patients and people who blog about headaches with unique opportunities to share ideas on topics of particular interest and importance to us. Here are some of these older coping blog carnivals I am going through to try to pick up some additional helpful hints: Coping strategies, Migraines & Spirituality, How do you cope with your headache disorder and Hobbies & Coping.

What do you do that you find helps you deal better with your Migraines especially during more frustrating times?


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