Sunday, July 25, 2010

Is It Me?

How many times do you ask yourself that question - is it me? That can cover a broad array of areas us Migraineurs face. This time, I'm asking the question around senses.

How do you know if the smell you smell is really there? How do you know if what you see is really there? How do you know if what you hear is really real?

These are questions I ask myself many times and sometimes multiple times throughout the day. These questions can be easy or difficult to answer depending on what it is I smell, see or hear.

For smell, it really depends on where I am or what I'm smelling. For example, when I am at home and smell gas (no, not that gas!), I know it's me. It's not real since we don't have gas in the home. Growing up, this was a little more difficult since we did have gas in the house. Being that I was a kid back then, it really didn't matter because the adults would have smelled it if it had ever been real and it kind of taught me that my smeller wasn't so good.

When we first bought our house, I really wanted gas, but have since learned to like not having it as it is an easy way to determine I am not smelling what I think I am. Other times it's not so easy to tell when a smell is real. Once in a while I will smell a dog mess. It was easy to tell when we didn't have a dog, but after we got our dog, I can spend a lot more time searching for little disasters around the house until I was satisfied it is just me. Luckily, she hasn't had an accident since she was a pup.

Vision is a little different. I can't always tell if something I see is real or not real. I don't know if a bug that just scurried by or a fly that just flew by really exists. I do find myself swatting at thin air a lot.

I remember when I first succumbed to these UFOs. I was sitting in my desk at work and my own private show started happening again. I had no idea what they were then; just that they happened every so often and I would try to fight it off as best I could. This time, I decided I would sit back and enjoy the program for its duration. It was weird not battling the scene and it was only a few months after this that I discovered I had Migraines with Aura.

The last sensory item I want to talk about is sound. I have heard things that are just not there since I was little and I find I still have a hard time understanding that not everyone hears my noises and that they are not actually there. I don't hear the tones everyday, but at least a few times a week. I had gotten to the point where I convinced myself that these noises were there and still try to fathom that they really are not.

I am glad to know that it's not my smeller, vision or hearing that is off. It was nice to know that these are symptoms of Migraine disease and even though it may seem like it, is not just all in my head.

How do you deal with knowing if something is real to everyone or just real to you? What kind of things do you experience that are your own reality and how do you know it is just you?



Jessica said...

OMG...I ask myself these same questions almost daily! Is that smell of rubbing alcohol coming from somehwere? Does anyone else hear that loud ringing? Do you see all those spots, lights or flying thingys...whatever it may be at that time? Also, I begin to wonder if these sensations & symptoms I have are that of the actual migraine, or side effects from medications I'm taking?!?

WinnyNinny PooPoo said...

MP: I smell dried roses that aren't there, and my sister and I both saw what we described as fast black mice during our migraines. During migraines my sense of smell became so strong I was overwhelmed and sickened by odors other people couldn't discern. But it would be the soap you washed your hands with three hours ago, or the overwhelming gasoline odor in exhaust fumes. Real things, not roses.

It is no wonder persons with brain disorders like schizophrenia have troubles discerning reality from fiction! Hang in there MP!

MigrainePuppet said...

There really are so many more obstacles when it comes to Migraine disease than 'just the headache'. Migraine disease really amazes me everyday. It is almost nice to know that I am not alone with these 'glitches'. I wonder what makes us smell the various items at different times...