It will be one year ago tomorrow since I started writing my Migraine blog. This has been a whole different experience than I ever expected. I jumped into it not really ready for the new journey I was about to encounter and enjoy or all of the people I would meet; all of the new information to come across; all of the other peoples experiences I had never dreamed were out here.
I am usually a very guarded person who shields myself from everything. I still do this in many ways, but I wanted to share my Migraine journey and experiences. The blog was also another way to let me journal what was going on in my life around Migraines. I am me and want to stay me as much as I can; for better or worse. Sometimes I'm very boring, naive or lose all semblance of reason or thought. I try to keep this tough exterior that no one can see through or break and I try to stay the real me with all of my strengths and weaknesses.
I had no idea what I was doing or where I was going when I started. I really didn't even know what a blog was or ever really read any. I started my blog off very simply. I needed to tell you who I was and give you my limited experiences so I could build from there. I also knew that as soon as I established my blog that I wanted to join a Migraine bloggers group which was created about a year before that I had remembered about since its inception. Although I really didn't understand what I was getting into with that group either, it helped me to grow as a Migraineur and advocate even more than they would ever know. I joined near the end of this group which unfortunately, is no longer active.
I still have too many Migraines per month. I can't accomplish or interact as much as I want or even need to while on-line. I am embarrassed to say that I often fall asleep when trying to catch up on everyone and everything; even in the middle of posting. I feel I have a lot more to learn, but find it difficult to stay on-line to read what I need to or want to understand.
It has been a year and I have NEVER shared my blog with anyone I know personally and only three people who pseudo know me from on-line have read my blog. I have mentioned to some friends at home that I have a blog, but they have not read one word I have ever written. I don't know if I should. Some days I want to share while other days I'm glad they haven't read anything. I think I'm probably more scared about things I haven't written yet and wouldn't want them to know about. I don't know if that makes sense, but that is what makes me nervous to have anyone I know read my blog. Sometimes I believe I am still hiding those darker Migraine times or thoughts. I really admire those who are wide open to everyone they know. What do you think, should I open my blog up to those who know me?
This blog has been so rewarding for me. In addition to the ways I've already mentioned, another big way the blog and being on-line has helped me is that I don't feel so alone. A lot of my little quirks may be weird to others, but are more normal to other Migraineurs. You have helped make me much stronger.
Sometimes I feel like I know Migraines and other times I still feel like a puppet with strings and just do what I am told to do because that is the only way I can get by. I can't believe a year has gone by already.
Thank you for helping, guiding and experiencing this year with me. I don't know how I could have done it without you.
6 comments:
Some people who know me read my blog. I don't share it with co-workers because I have a shred of dignity left at work, whereas none left with family and friends!!!
Congratulations on your anniversery! I have enjoyed reading your comments/blogs throughout the year and hope to read many more! I'm always learning something new!
I had a 'nightmare' one time that one of my co-workers read my blog. This would have meant that everyone I work with would have known about it. I definitely don't want to share with work either.
Thank you for all of your encouragement throughout this year. Your support has kept me going many times.
Personally, I have never hesitated to speak about my condition to anyone that would listen. But then again Chiari is still considered rare and I found myself explaining it to DOCTORS shortly after receiving my diagnosis. Every one, that knows me knows I have a blog and how to get to it. They have seen the dark side of what I go through. Yeah, I've had to defend myself and my thoughts; but, I'm always up for a good debate. People think of me as flighty, irrational and emotional; but, I don't really care. So, for me, it's a healthy outlet for all the negative stuff that can get bottled up inside. I must also point out that I am unable to work so I don't need to worry about co-workers. What I did when I was working, when I was newly diagnosed, I kept an 'ugly' journal. It became a great place for me to RANT and RAVE and say all those really nasty things in my head without fear of anyone else seeing it unless I showed them. If I showed them, I would explain that it was a way for me to get the negative out without taking it out on hubby. Once they understood that my words were a way to express my negative thoughts, concerns and greatest fears they began to see the healthy benefits of handling the 'dark' side positively. Just for the record, most now see it as an incredible example of how to get through difficult challenges (read: they don't really think I'm psycho).
It's completely a personal decision that no one but you can answer. Sorry, this was a terribly long answer. Some days, I can't shut up. Hope you are having a happy, healthy weekend!
Thank you for your response shalunya. I have enjoyed reading your blog in the short time since our paths have crossed and have found you interesting and energetic despite everything you go through. These are the same characteristics I have find in some of the other people I like to read which only breeds encouragement to keep going.
I agree it's healthy to let out our anger and frustrations even if we paint a darker picture. I have learned that I really don't care what others think especially since I've always been a little different from them anyway and being on-line has taught me that I am not alone.
Happy anniversary, Puppet! I'm glad you've gotten so much from blogging. You certainly do a great job with it. I'm grateful to have "met" you and glad you've become a part of our community on MMC.
Fondly,
Teri
Thank you, Teri. I wouldn't be where I am today without MMC and just wish I could be a more active member of the community. Hopefully some day.
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