Slowly working at it

I know I still have a problem and have been working on it and me for some time. I frequently ask myself a question like why do I keep abusing myself like this? The more I learn about Migraines and the more yucky I feel, the more I don't want to feel this way.

I treat myself ok when I am home and I am getting better when I am at my relatives homes. The place I still have to act on the most is while I'm at work.

It's easiest to do what's right at home. I have dimmer switches in most rooms and they work great. Whenever I enter a room that is too bright, I will automatically turn it down. My family has come to expect this and don't even comment about it anymore. I think it's just as natural for them to turn the lights all the way up as it is for me to have them as low as possible.

Many of my extended family members have those demon filled CFLs (Compact Fluorescent Lights) at their houses. Diana Lee, from Somebody Heal Me.com wrote an article, Update: CFLs, Migraines & the Law. The government has been looking to make light bulbs more energy efficient and it appears that some companies, which manufacture the incandescent light bulbs, are going to make them more efficient so they won't be phased out after all. In many ways, that will be such a relief as they were originally looking at being banned because they were not efficient enough. Phew.

My sister definitely knows that the CFLs kill me and I can't stay in her kitchen or other rooms when I am there and they are brightly lit. With a lot of people around (she has four kids), it's very difficult to leave the lights off. When I babysat overnight for her recently, I was very touched that my BIL changed many of the bulbs in the kitchen for me and I didn't even say anything about the lights this visit. I could manage through the other lights they had in the other rooms while I was there.

Last week, I spent a little time with my parents in their home. My parents don't normally think of things like the lights. I don't fault them and this is where I know it is my responsibility to speak up as needed. I try not to be too intrusive on them and I don't think they noticed when I would scoot into the darker areas of the room.

On the occasions when I couldn't move, I would ask them if they were finished using a light they left on. My mom immediately looked at the bulb and saw it was one of the devil bulbs and turned it off as she was done with it. She did mention about turning on a different, normal light. I have to confess, I didn't turn it on as I felt there was already enough lighting in the room and that nobody was in danger of not seeing some thing if they were to get up. She didn't ask again or I would have turned the normal light on low.

As you can see, lights are a normal controllable trigger that I encounter regularly. Sound and smells are others that I have to manage, but lights seem to be the most invasive.

The place I still have the most trouble with helping myself the most with is while at work. As long as I stay in my office, lights are not a problem because of the light sleeves and I can also lower the window shade on more sensitive days. Right now, offending noise and smells can be controlled by closing my door. The area that I have to work on the most are my hours.

I often ask myself why I put in all of the hours I do while at work. The biggest reason I keep coming back with is that I feel I have to put in an honest days work. I feel I have peeks and valleys during the day on how I am feeling. I know there are times that I am not as quick as I need to be and even have to take more time doing tasks than it really should take me to complete them.

My boss often lectures me on getting out of work on time. I know he means it and that he is trying to look out for what is best for me. I also know my health needs for me to leave closer to on time, but I still feel I need to put in a whole day of work too without me getting in my way.

There are other reasons for the long hours that I have been working on too and I have gradually been able to leave a little earlier as I am able to alleviate some of these other obstacles. I know I can and my boss always tells me that I can also log out, go home and complete what I need to from home so I don't get other distractions, but I tend to fall asleep as soon as I turn on my computer after I get home and don't get too much accomplished.

Getting a better grasp on these hurdles and trying to identify any additional triggers that I may have is something I am hoping will help me get myself under better control. I know I need to as I think I get caught in this vicious cycle too often and need to get out of it.

Do you have some thing you do that you need to work on with yourself too? What do you do to help manage yourself?

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